


Trying to find a crown that fits

by catpersona



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben's POV, Gangster Ben Mitchell, M/M, alternative universe, english mafia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catpersona/pseuds/catpersona
Summary: This is a story about Ben Mitchell, son of the Mafia Boss in London.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Rebels" by Ivy Adara

The blood from his chin was dripping on the mahogany floors, one drop after the other, leaving the trace in the hall. He tried not to shudder after every breath he took, ignoring the burning pain in his lungs and the state of them after he took the beating. His head was hanging down. Two bodyguards dragged his body through the corridors for what felt like forever. His feet and knees must have been bruised from the harshness of the floor but he was already numb from the pain and couldn’t feel anything. They must have finally arrived wherever the destination was because the dragging has stopped. He looked up, his eyelashes almost closed shut by the blood he could barely see. But that face he’d recognise everywhere.

“How are ya dad?” He said forcing the casual note in his voice.

Phil, his father was sitting behind the desk his eyes scanning his body, eyebrows furred. Was he shocked that Ben was in that state, or that he was still alive? Hard to say.

“What are you doing here Ben?”

He laughed low on breath, which was a bad idea since the ribs needled his lungs and he wasn’t able to hide the pain from his expression.

“Thought, you’d be more ‘appy to see me”

“Happy?” His father asked with a huff. “I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now, but happy ain’t one if it”

He stood up, and walked slowly towards Ben. The bodyguards pulled him up, straighten his body so that he was closer to his father’s eyesight.

“Why’re you back?” Phil spat out.

Ben looked him in the eyes, “I got some unfinished business here” he answered.

“Unfinished business?”

“Thought I’d set the wrongs right, an’ all that.”

His father took in a big breath, “You should’ve said something. Called.”

“Thought I’d make it a surprise.”

“And barge in on your own here? With no given notice. You still got a death wish I see” Phil shook his head.

Ben ignored his little remark, “You upped the security on this place, getting old and paranoid?”

His father moved forward and grabbed his shirt up “You have no idea what’s happening right now, you run away, go on a little vacation when things got too hard for a little Ben to handle. It’s always been like that with ya. Running away to mommy scared. And now what? You’re coming back after two years and you think You’ll still have a place at the table? Why don’t you come back to ya mother”

“I came from here. I belong here” Ben said through gritted teeth.

“Oh is it that right?” Phil raised an eyebrow and shook his head again, “A little too late for a heart to heart now, Ben. You might be still my flesh and blood so I won’t ask for your head on a platter, but that’s as far as the family privileges go. Don’t expect any special treatment from me or from the family.”

Ben should’ve expected a cold shoulder after all these years. He always repeated the same mistakes, expecting a different result.

His father gestured to the guards dismissively and they turned Ben’s body and started dragging him toward the exit. Still not trusting him to get on his own two feet.

Ben turned his head with the one piece of energy he still had left to look at his father, “Missed you too!” He smiled but was far from happy, far from fine even, while the bodyguards continued to drag his inflated body out.

His father didn’t dignify him with a reply. The corridors seemed to stretch farther than than on the way in, and as more time passed Ben started to feel the pain in his legs and face. They finally got outside of the building and he could feel the fresh air wafting over his body, giving him shivers from the wet, bloody blotches on his clothes. The bodyguards were indelicate until the very end, pushing him out of the gate, face first. He barely managed to cushion the fall with his hands. He took a deep breath and lifted himself up, finally having a good look on the damage done. He shook off the dirt off his hands, getting a burning sensation from the abrasions done by the uneven pavement. He was covered in less blood than he imagined. He’s been through way worse. He looked back on the building and he could swear for a second, he saw a figure in one of the windows that looked like his dad. The figure was gone within a blink so maybe he was imagining things. He started walking toward the square, trying not to bend his knees too much to avoid the pain. He still had some business to attend to. After all it was just one “hello” done, and he still had three to go. 


	2. Chapter 2

He was walking slowly, and with no watch on the wrist, he had no idea what time it was. It was already dark when he got kicked out of his dad office. Since then, twenty minutes could’ve passed or two hours. He was trying to be inconspicuous as best as he could, which was a hard task to upkeep as he was hobbling about with dried blood on him. He didn’t have a place to go and clean himself up, but he was hoping that when he would get to the square he could use the bathroom in the pub. He was friendly enough with Mick, or at least he didn’t seem to make an enemy of him yet, which was a scarce thing for Ben Mitchell. He finally got to the square and stepped into the Vic. The decor hasn’t changed at all, not that he was expecting many changes. He wasn’t away from Albert’s Square that long. It wasn’t very crowded. He scanned the room swiftly and checked the best sitting position to have a look at the room and easy access to the exit. Force of habit. He noticed that Mick wasn’t on duty today when he searched for him at the bar, instead his eyes fell on a woman with red hair, tied in a ponytail.

“Whitney.” he greeted bowing his head slightly.

She raised her eyebrows and opened her lips but no sound come out. 

“Ah didn’t know the business was going so well you could afford this place.” Ben said, just to drown out the sound of eggshells breaking.

“I’m just helping Mitch.” Whitney finally spoke, looking at him intensively.

He didn’t mean any disrespect. He really thought she was good with business and in few years she could probably afford to buy out the bar, if she’d ever want to that is. 

“What are you doing here?” Whitney asked, still eyeing him suspiciously.

“Trying to buy a pint, hopefully.”

“Cute. Why did you come back Ben?” 

“I’m here to get a drink Whit, not to talk about my life.” 

He pulled out a crumbled fiver from his pocket “One lager, to the table in the corner.” She was still staring at him not taking the banknote from the table. He caught the urge to roll his eyes at her. He wasn’t really in the mood for the staring contest today. 

“You look like shit.” Whitney finally stated, taking the money and turning to pour him a glass. He nodded absently and moved away from the bar. 

He had no troubles with finding the bathroom. It was was one of those that had an open space with no privacy. How lovely. He took a good look at his face in the mirror to assess the damage. He had a little wound in his left eyebrow and some dried blood around his nose. There was blood on his shirt, but the fashion icon he was, he rarely wear anything else than dark colours, so the red wasn't stains weren't so visible. Lucky, as he didn't have any change of clothes on hand. He washed his hands first and then he tried to get off the blood of his face without scraping the wounds. He immediately looked felt better. He dried his hands with the paper towels and turned to the exit. Right as he wanted to open the door, someone else entered. He looked at the tall guy and recognised him immediately. Jay. 

He looked less surprise to see Ben than Ben was to see him. In the bathroom at the Vic of all places. 

“Prodigal son returns” Jay smiled, and before Ben could reply he drew him into a tight hug. 

As they broke away Jay added “Hope you washed your hands”

“That’s the risk you have to take when you ambush people in the gents” Ben shot back grinning.

“I was dropping by and Whitney told me you’re back”

“News travel fast here” Ben was sure that soon everyone will know that the he’s back. He’ll be the main topic of the town gossip yet again.

“Does your dad..?” Jay didn’t finish the question.

“Oh, he knows” Ben gestured vaguely at his face. 

Jay grimaced judging the damage. In Ben’s opinion it still looked more presentable than it did a minute ago with all the blood still there, but then Jay wouldn’t have that frame of reference.

“A’ight let’s grab some beers and talk” Jay said, and it sounded more like an order than a suggestion. 

Ben clasp his hand on Jays back and they walked out. Two blokes leaving the bathroom at the same time still made for some weird looks from the people the bar, but nobody dared to say anything. Good. Ben still had his reputation of a raging queer but a raging queer you don’t wanna fuck with. 

They sat down at the corner table, Ben’s lager already waiting for him. 

Jay order a Heineken and raised an eyebrow at Ben.

“What?”

“First rule of drinking, don’t leave your drink unattended”

Ben chuckled at that “I’m not a lass, and I don’t think anyone is gonna spike my drink on a Tuesday at the Vic.”

“Right, I forgot the Tuesday rule” Jay hummed in a pretend agreement, “and I was talking more in the terms of poison, actually.”

“I don’t think my father hates me that much, Jay. Plus there are more satisfying ways to see a man go than choking on his own spit.”

“I’m just saying, since you decided to come here, you should watch your back.”

Ben chuckled at that. He couldn’t help himself, he was already half into the pint and Jay looked hilarious when he was trying to sound all solicitous. 

Jay frowned “I’m serious Ben. You have more enemies here than you think.”

Ben waved him off. “So nothing has changed then.” He showed off his whites. 

Jay shook his head, and they looked at each other in silence for a while.

“So what’s the plan?” Jay finally asked.

“There’s no plan.”

“You’re telling me, you’re back after two years of running away from murder charges and burning all the bridges with your sister and father behind you, and you don’t have a plan?”

“If you still haven’t catch on, l’m not a very bright guy, Jay.” 

Jay huffed. “Don’t play that game with me. I know you better than anyone. You’re many things. Reckless, abrasive, sometimes even cruel, but you’re not dumb.”

“Wow, what did I do to deserve this high praise?”

“I’m serious Ben. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just might an only friend you got here.”

Ben shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. He was a little torn now. Jay was right. He did have a plan. But it was too early to tell if it’s even possible to implement it, let alone bring another person to it.

“That’s enough chit chat about me and my failed life.” Ben cleared his throat. “Tell me what big boy Jay Brown has been up to in the last two years.”


	3. Chapter 3

“So?” Ben prompted.

Jay rolled his eyes. “Not much to tell. Not much has changed.”

Ben somehow doubted that was fully true. While yes, the Vic still looked the same, Jay had the same haircut as two or five years ago, the sun rose in the east and set in the west, but those might’ve been the only three unchangeable things in the universe. Because people change. People grow.

“You and Whitney seem close.” He tried in his casual tone.

Jay raised an eyebrow, clearly reading between the lines, “Not all straight people have to date each other Ben.”

He chuckled at that, “So you’re not...?”

“Together? Dating?” Jay asked.

“Smashing privates?” Ben finished cheekily.

Jay shook his head as an answer.

Ben raised his hand and pointed his index finger accusingly and Jay “Don’t tell me you’re still single?”

Jay rolled his eye “We can’t all have your charm.”

“ ‘m not really a poster boy for getting ladies” Ben said, took a sip of beer and added, “not much luck on the gents front recently either.”

“So you’re giving me grief, while being single yourself?”

“Oi. I’m a hard horse to settle.”

“Not sure that’s the right phrase. You’re not a horse Ben” Jay crinkled his nose.

“But I have some parts that are horse-like” Ben winked.

“Ugh. Didn’t need to know that.” Jay grimaced and put down the glass he was about to take a sip from.

Ben laughed again. It was good to have a chat with Jay. From the moment they sat down Ben has been eyeing the entrance doors every now and then to check on the new arrivals. Three people came into the pub, all were men, he would say in their late 50’s. Seemed harmless. Ben took another sip of the beer.

“You still in ‘dead people’ business?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant while being anything but.

Jay nodded “It’a a good job, clients don’t tend to complain.” He smirked at his own joke.

Ben nodded. “If I remember correctly the pay is quite good as well.”

Jay hesitated, “Things are good. Can’t complain."

Can't or won't? Ben wanted to asked, but wasn’t sure Jay would answer truthfully, or that he would answer at all. “You’re well in Phil’s good graces then,” It was more a statement than a question. “He still owns half of the funeral home, right?”

The silence that followed was enough of a confirmation for Ben. It wasn’t like he was dumb, he suspected as much. Jay was still money laundering for his father. He couldn’t even be mad, it was hard to do business in Albert Square without Phil Mitchell’s involvement. And even Ben had to admit, the old man couldn't have picked a better place to conceive his drug money. His father was good at his job, average at being a person, and horrible at being a father. The police weren’t really going to investigate funeral home, even if this one was bringing surprisingly a lot of money for the size of a community it was catering to. But then again, people tend to splash cash for two occasions: their weddings and their funeral.

“He’s still your father you know. He still loves you and want to have a relationship with ya” Jay said interrupting Ben's trail of thought.

At that Ben’s blood started to boil. No he didn’t know. And clearly Jay didn’t know shit either. Maybe, just maybe, he didn't want to have a relationship with somebody he had nothing in common with. Or maybe he didn’t want to _want_ to have it. He wasn't that little kid who would do anything to appease his old man. Who would take a beating and blame himself, who would dream about doing something to just get a small nod of approval, who would wish he was someone else, someone that his father didn't despise of, just for existing. No. That boy was gone.

“I don't need him in my life anymore.” The words came off aggressive, his tone sharp. He was mostly mad at his father, and maybe a small part of him was mad at Jay, for even suggesting that he should repair a relationship with somebody that barely cared if he was alive.

Jay eyed him carefully, and he looked like he still wanted to add something, maybe argue about it, when Ben felt a vibration in his pocket. He almost forgot about the Nokia, burner phone he got yesterday. It was an old model that could only be used for phone calls, and maybe texting, if one was prepared to press the same button three times to type a “c”. He took out the device, ”Jason calling...” displaying in big letters on the screen. Even though he didn’t feel like talking to Jason right now, he wanted even less to discuss his father issues with Jay. 

“Sorry I’ve got to take this” For whatever reason Jason was calling, it shouldn't take long. 

“ ‘ello”

“Mitchell.” He heard Jason’s hoarse voice at the other end. Oh joy.

Ben fought the impulse to roll his eyes, “What is it?”

“I found the info on a guy you asked me about.”

Keanu. 

“I can give it to you tomorrow at 7 p.m.” Jason continued, “Park bench next to Turpin Way. Bring the rest of the cash,” He didn't even wait for a conformation from Ben and hung up.

“Asshole” Ben muttered under his breath, putting his phone back into his pocket.

“Something important?” Jay asked

“Just a guy from my old job. Can’t seem to get rid of him.” Ben lied.

“Thought you are here on your own”

“Oh I am. He might be interested, but I still got my standards” 

He laid back further in his seat, and at that moment in the corner of his eye he saw a tall bloke enter the pub. He must have been no older than late twenties and clearly stood out, from the 50+ average of the pub’s clientele. The stranger approached the bar nervously tapping his fingers on top of it, and his face brightened up when Whitney walked in. She basically thrown herself over the counter, startling the poor bloke, whose eyes went wide as their lips crashed together in a kiss. Ben turned away, he knew he was lonely and single, he didn’t need some random guy’s PDA to remind him of it more.


End file.
